I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
17 year olds will be the death of me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
