take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize