well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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