ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
