i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
