I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
