Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
