he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
