i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
