you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
