Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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