took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
