ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
