You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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