No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
