just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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