Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
