in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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