we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so let's talk penis.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
