He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
