Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
