lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
