i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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