Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
