this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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