so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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