Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
