i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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