I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
