so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
