I want to make a zoo with you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
