Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
