FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
two words...techno handjob
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
