White coat. Heels.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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