i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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