She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize