I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
