Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
