Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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