Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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