I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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