I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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