I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
