pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
