I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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