if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
