So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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