Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
