apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
