ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
