She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
