the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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