I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
