Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
