we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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