I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize