she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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