I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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