That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
