Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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