oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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