I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
