And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize