Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
