You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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