i think my tv is drunk
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
