I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
