He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
