I got chris browned last night
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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