Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
