My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize